FIRST SERVANT
Quick, quick, bring the
dung-beetle his cake.
SECOND SERVANT
There it is. Give it to him, and
may it kill him! And may he never eat a better.
FIRST SERVANT
Now give him this other one
kneaded up with ass's
dung.
SECOND SERVANT
There! I've done that too. And
where's what you gave him just now? Surely he can't have devoured it
yet!
FIRST SERVANT
Indeed he has; he snatched it,
rolled it between his feet and bolted it. Come, hurry up, knead up a
lot and knead them stiffly.
SECOND SERVANT
Oh, scavengers, help me in the name
of the gods, if you do not wish to see me fall down choked.
FIRST SERVANT
Come, come, another made from the
stool of a fairy's favourite. That will be to the beetle's taste; he
likes it well ground.
SECOND SERVANT
There! I am free at least from
suspicion; none will accuse me of tasting what I mix.
FIRST SERVANT
Faugh! come, now another! keep on
mixing with all your might.
SECOND SERVANT
By god, no. I can stand this awful
cesspool stench no longer.
FIRST SERVANT
I shall bring you the whole
ill-smelling gear.
SECOND SERVANT
Pitch it down the sewer sooner, and
yourself with it.
To the AUDIENCE
Maybe, one of you can tell me where
I can buy a stopped-up nose, for there is no work more disgusting
than to mix food for a dung-beetle and to carry it to
him. A pig or a dog will at least pounce upon our excrement without
more ado, but this foul wretch affects the disdainful, the spoilt
mistress, and won't eat unless I offer him a cake that has been kneaded for an entire day.... But let us open the door a bit ajar without his
seeing it. Has he done eating? Come, pluck up courage, cram yourself
till you burst! The cursed creature! It wallows in its food! It grips
it between its claws like a wrestler clutching his opponent, and with
head and feet together rolls up its paste like a rope-maker twisting
a hawser. What an indecent, stinking, gluttonous beast! I don't know
what angry god let this monster loose upon us, but of a certainty it
was neither Aphrodite nor the Graces.
FIRST SERVANT
Who was it then?
SECOND SERVANT
No doubt Zeus, the God of the
Thundercrap.
FIRST SERVANT
But perhaps some spectator, some
beardless youth, who thinks himself a sage, will say, "What is this?
What does the beetle mean?" And then an Ionian, sitting next him,
will add, "I think it's an allusion to Cleon, who so shamelessly
feeds on filth all by himself."-But now I'm going indoors to fetch
the beetle a drink.
SECOND SERVANT
As for me, I will explain the
matter to you all, children, youths, grownups and old men, aye, even
to the decrepit dotards. My master is mad, not as you are, but with
another sort of madness, quite a new kind. The livelong day he looks
open-mouthed towards heaven and never stops addressing Zeus. "Ah!
Zeus," he cries, "what are thy intentions? Lay aside thy besom; do
not sweep Greece away!" Ah! Hush, hush! I think I hear his
voice!
TRYGAEUS
from within
Oh! Zeus, what art thou going to do
for our people? Dost thou not see this, that our cities will soon be
but empty husks?
SECOND SERVANT
As I told you, that is his
form of madness. There you have a sample of his follies. When his
trouble first began to seize him, he said to himself, "By what means
could I go straight to Zeus? Then he made himself very slender little ladders and so clambered up towards
heaven; but he soon came hurtling down
again and broke his head. Yesterday, to our misfortune, he went out
and brought us back this thoroughbred, but from where I know not,
this great beetle, whose groom he has forced me to become. He himself
caresses it as though it were a horse, saying, "Oh! my little
Pegasus, my noble aerial steed, may your wings soon bear me straight
to Zeus!" But what is my master doing? I must stoop down to look
through this hole. Oh! great gods! Here! neighbours, run here quick!
here is my master flying off mounted on his beetle as if on
horseback.
The Machine brings in TRYGAEUS astride an
enormous figure of a dung beetle with wings spread.
TRYGAEUS
intoning
Gently, gently, go easy, beetle;
don't start off so proudly, or trust at first too greatly to your
powers; wait till you have sweated, till the beating of your wings
shall make your limb joints supple. Above all things, don't let off
some foul smell. I adjure you; else I would rather have you stay
right in the stable.
SECOND SERVANT intoning
Poor master! Is he crazy?
TRYGAEUS
intoning
Silence! silence!
SECOND SERVANT intoning
But why start up into the air on
chance?
TRYGAEUS
intoning
'Tis for the weal of all the
Greeks; I am attempting a daring and novel feat.
SECOND SERVANT intoning
But what is your purpose? What
useless folly!
TRYGAEUS
intoning
No words of ill omen! Give vent to
joy and command all men to keep silence, to close down their drains
and privies with new tiles and to cork up their own arses.
FIRST SERVANT
speaking
No, I shall not be silent, unless
you tell me where you are going.
TRYGAEUS
Why, where am I likely to be going
across the sky, if it be not to visit Zeus?
FIRST SERVANT
For what purpose?
TRYGAEUS
I want to ask him what he reckons
to do for all the Greeks.
SECOND SERVANT
And if he doesn't tell you?
TRYGAEUS
I shall pursue him at law as a
traitor who sells Greece to the Medes.
SECOND SERVANT
Death seize me, if I let you
go.
TRYGAEUS
It is absolutely necessary.
SECOND SERVANT loudly
Alas! alas! dear little girls, your
father is deserting you secretly to go to heaven. Ah! poor orphans,
entreat him, beseech him.
The little daughters of TRYGAEUS come
out.
LITTLE DAUGHTER singing
Father! father! what is this I
hear? Is it true? What! you would leave me, you would vanish into the
sky, you would go to the crows? Impossible! Answer, father, if you
love me.
TRYGAEUS
singing
Yes, I am going. You hurt me too
sorely, my daughters, when you ask me for bread, calling me your
daddy, and there is not the ghost of an obolus in the house; if I
succeed and come back, you will have a barley loaf every morning-and
a punch in the eye for sauce!
LITTLE DAUGHTER
But how will you make the journey?
There's no ship that will take you there.
TRYGAEUS
No, but this winged steed
will.
LITTLE DAUGHTER
But what an idea, papa, to harness
a beetle, to fly to the gods on.
TRYGAEUS
We see from Aesop's fables that
they alone can fly to the abode of the Immortals.
LITTLE DAUGHTER
Father, father, that's a tale
nobody can believe! that such a smelly creature can have gone to the
gods.
TRYGAEUS
It went to have vengeance on the
eagle and break its eggs.
LITTLE DAUGHTER
Why not saddle Pegasus? you would
have a more tragic appearance in the eyes of the gods.
TRYGAEUS
Eh! don't you see, little fool,
that then twice the food would be wanted? Whereas my beetle devours
again as filth what I have eaten myself.
LITTLE DAUGHTER
And if it fell into the watery
depths of the sea, could it escape with its wings?
TRYGAEUS
exposing himself
I am fitted with a rudder in case
of need, and my Naxos beetle will serve me as a boat.
LITTLE DAUGHTER
And what harbour will you put in
at?
TRYGAEUS
Why is there not the harbour of
Cantharus at the Piraeus?
LITTLE DAUGHTER
Take care not to knock against
anything and so fall off into space; once a cripple, you would be a
fit subject for Euripides, who would put you into a tragedy.
TRYGAEUS
as the Machine hoists him
higher
I'll see to it. Good-bye!
To the Athenians
You, for love of whom I brave these
dangers, do ye neither fart nor crap for the space of three days,
for, if, while cleaving the air, my steed should scent anything, he
would fling me head foremost from the summit of my hopes.
Intoning
Now come, my Pegasus, get a-going
with up-pricked ears and make your golden bridle resound gaily. Eh!
what are you doing? What are you up to? Do you turn your nose towards
the cesspools? Come, pluck up a spirit; rush upwards from the earth,
stretch out your speedy wings and make straight for the palace of
Zeus; for once give up foraging in your daily food.-Hi! you down
there, what are you after now? Oh! my god! it's a man taking a crap
in the Piraeus, close to the whorehouses. But is it my death you seek
then, my death? Will you not bury that right away and pile a great
heap of earth upon it and plant wild thyme therein and pour perfumes
on it? If I were to fall from up here and misfortune happened to me,
the town of Chios would owe a fine of five talents for my death, all
because of your damned arse.
Speaking
Alas! how frightened I am! oh! I
have no heart for jests. Ah! machinist, take great care of me. There
is already a wind whirling round my navel; take great care or, from
sheer fright, I shall form food for my beetle.... But I think I am no
longer far from the gods; aye, that is the dwelling of Zeus, I
perceive.
The beetle descends and comes to a halt in
front of the house of ZEUS. TRYGAEUS dismounts and knocks at the
door.
Hullo! Hi! where is the doorkeeper?
Will no one open?
HERMES
from within
I think I can sniff a man.
Opening the door
Why, what plague is this?
TRYGAEUS
A horse-beetle.
HERMES
Oh! impudent, shameless rascal! oh!
scoundrel! triple scoundrel! the greatest scoundrel in the world! how
did you come here? Oh! scoundrel of all scoundrels! your name?
Reply.
TRYGAEUS
Triple scoundrel.
HERMES
Your country?
TRYGAEUS
Triple scoundrel.
HERMES
Your father?
TRYGAEUS
My father? Triple scoundrel.
HERMES
By the Earth, you shall die, unless
you tell me your name.
TRYGAEUS
I am Trygaeus of the Athmonian
deme, a good vine-dresser, little addicted to quibbling and not at
all an informer.
HERMES
Why do you come?
TRYGAEUS
I come to bring you this
meat.
HERMES
changing his tone
Ah! my good friend, did you have a
good journey?
TRYGAEUS
Glutton, be off! I no longer seem a
triple scoundrel to you. Come, call Zeus.
HERMES
Ah! ah! you are a long way yet from
reaching the gods, for they moved yesterday.
TRYGAEUS
To what part of the earth?
HERMES
Eh! of the earth, did you
say?
TRYGAEUS
In short, where are they
then?
HERMES
Very far, very far, right at the
furthest end of the dome of heaven.
TRYGAEUS
But why have they left you all
alone here?
HERMES
I am watching what remains of the
furniture, the little pots and pans, the bits of chairs and tables,
and odd wine-jars.
TRYGAEUS
And why have the gods moved
away?
HERMES
Because of their wrath against the
Greeks. They have located War in the house they occupied themselves
and have given him full power to do with you exactly as he pleases;
then they went as high up as ever they could, so as to see no more of
your fights and to hear no more of your prayers.
TRYGAEUS
What reason have they for treating
us so?
HERMES
Because they have afforded you an
opportunity for peace more than once, but you have always preferred
war. If the Laconians got the very slightest advantage, they would
exclaim, "By the Twin Brethren! the Athenians shall smart for this."
If, on the contrary, the latter triumphed and the Laconians came with
peace proposals, you would say, "By Demeter, they want to deceive us.
No, by Zeus, we will not hear a word; they will always be coming as
long as we hold Pylos."
TRYGAEUS
Yes, that is quite the style our
folk do talk in.
HERMES
So that I don't know whether you
will ever see Peace again.
TRYGAEUS
Why, where has she gone to
then?
HERMES
War has cast her into a deep
pit.
TRYGAEUS
Where?
HERMES
Down there, at the very bottom. And
you see what heaps of stones he has piled over the top, so that you
should never pull her out again.
TRYGAEUS
Tell me, what is War preparing
against us?
HERMES
All I know is that last evening he
brought along a huge mortar.
TRYGAEUS
And what is he going to do with his
mortar?
HERMES
He wants to pound up all the cities
of Greece in it.... But I must say good-bye, for I think he is coming
out; what an uproar he is making!
He departs in haste.
TRYGAEUS
Ah! great gods let us seek safety;
I think I already hear the noise of this fearful war mortar.
He hides.
WAR
enters, carrying a huge
mortar
Oh! mortals, mortals, wretched
mortals, how your jaws will snap!
TRYGAEUS
Oh! divine Apollo! what a
prodigious big mortar! Oh, what misery the very sight of War causes
me! This then is the foe from whom I fly, who is so cruel, so
formidable, so stalwart, so solid on his legs!
WAR
Oh! Prasiae! thrice wretched, five
times, aye, a thousand times wretched! for thou shalt be destroyed
this day.
He throws some leeks into the
mortar.
TRYGAEUS
to the audience
This, gentlemen, does not concern
us over much; it's only so much the worse for the Laconians.
WAR
Oh! Megara! Megara! utterly are you
going to be ground up! what fine mincemeat are you to be made
into!
He throws in some garlic.
TRYGAEUS
aside
Alas! alas! what bitter tears there
will be among the Megarians!
WAR
throwing in some cheese
Oh, Sicily! you too must perish!
Your wretched towns shall be grated like this cheese. Now let us pour
some Attic honey into the mortar.
He does so.
TRYGAEUS
aside
Oh! I beseech you! use some other
honey; this kind is worth four obols; be careful, oh! be careful of
our Attic honey.
WAR
Hi! Tumult, you slave there!
TUMULT
What do you want?
WAR
Out upon you! Standing there with
folded arms! Take this cuff on the head for your pains.
TUMULT
Oh! how it stings! Master, have you
got garlic in your fist, I wonder?
WAR
Run and fetch me a pestle.
TUMULT
But we haven't got one; it was only
yesterday we moved.
WAR
Go and fetch me one from Athens,
and hurry, hurry!
TUMULT
I'll hurry; if I return without
one, I shall have no cause for laughing.
He runs off.
TRYGAEUS
to the audience
Ah! what is to become of us,
wretched mortals that we are? See the danger that threatens if he
returns with the pestle, for War will quietly amuse himself with
pounding all the towns of Hellas to pieces. Ah! Bacchus! cause this
herald of evil to perish on his road!
WAR
to the returning TUMULT
Well?
TUMULT
Well, what?
WAR
You have brought back
nothing?
TUMULT
Alas! the Athenians have lost their
pestle-the tanner, who ground Greece to powder.
TRYGAEUS
Oh! Athene, venerable mistress! it
is well for our city he is dead, and before he could serve us with
this hash.
WAR
Then go and seek one at Sparta and
have done with it!
TUMULT
Aye, aye, master!
He runs off.
WAR
shouting after him
Be back as quick as ever you
can.
TRYGAEUS
to the audience
What is going to happen, friends?
This is the critical hour. Ah! if there is some initiate of
Samothrace among you, this is surely the moment to wish this
messenger some accident-some sprain or strain.
TUMULT
returning
Alas! alas! thrice again,
alas!
WAR
What is it? Again you come back
without it?
TUMULT
The Spartans too have lost their
pestle.
WAR
How, varlet?
TUMULT
They had lent it to their allies in
Thrace, who have lost it for them.
TRYGAEUS
Long life to you, Thracians! My
hopes revive, pluck up courage, mortals!
WAR
Take all this stuff; I am going in
to make a pestle for myself.
He goes in, followed by TUMULT.
TRYGAEUS
coming out of his
hiding-place
Now is the time to sing as Datis
did, as he masturbated at high noon, "Oh pleasure! oh enjoyment! oh
delights!" Now, oh Greeks! is the moment when freed of quarrels and
fighting, we should rescue sweet Peace and draw her out of this pit,
before some other pestle prevents us. Come, labourers, merchants,
workmen, artisans, strangers, whether you be domiciled or not,
islanders, come here, Greeks of all countries, come hurrying here
with picks and levers and ropes! This is the moment to drain a cup in
honour of the Good Genius.
The CHORUS enters; it consists of labourers
and farmers from various Greek states.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Come hither all! quick, to the
rescue! All peoples of Greece, now is the time or never, for you to
help each other. You see yourselves freed from battles and all their
horrors of bloodshed. The day hateful to Lamachus has come.
To TRYGAEUS
Come then, what must be done? Give
your orders, direct us, for or swear to work this day without
ceasing, until with the help of our levers and our engines we have
drawn back into light the greatest of all goddesses, her to whom the
olive is so dear.
TRYGAEUS
Silence! if War should hear your
shouts of joy he would bound forth from his retreat in fury.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Such a decree overwhelms us with
joy; how different to the edict, which bade us muster with provisions
for three days.
TRYGAEUS
Let us beware lest the cursed
Cerberus prevent us even from the nethermost bell from delivering the
goddess by his furious howling, just as he did when on earth.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Once we have hold of her, none in
the world will be able to take her from us. Huzza! huzza!
TRYGAEUS
You will work my death if you don't
subdue your shouts. War will come running out and trample everything
beneath his feet.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Well then! Let him confound, let
him trample, let him overturn everything! We cannot help giving vent
to our joy.
TRYGAEUS
Oh! cruel fate! My friends! in the
name of the gods, what possesses you? Your dancing will wreck the
success of a fine undertaking.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
It's not I who want to dance; it's
my legs that bound with delight.
TRYGAEUS
Enough, please, cease your
gambols.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
There! That's all.
TRYGAEUS
You say so, and nevertheless you go
on.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Yet one more figure and it's
done.
TRYGAEUS
Well, just this one; then you must
dance no more.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
No, no more dancing, if we can help
you.
TRYGAEUS
But look, you are not stopping even
now.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
By Zeus, I am only throwing up my
right leg, that's all.
TRYGAEUS
Come, I grant you that, but pray,
annoy me no further.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Ah! the left leg too will have its
fling; well, that's its right. I am so happy, so delighted at not
having to carry my buckler any more. I fart for joy and I laugh more
than if I had cast my old age, as a serpent does its skin.
TRYGAEUS
No, it's not time for joy yet, for
you are not sure of success. But when you have got the goddess, then
rejoice, shout and laugh; thenceforward you will be able to sail or
stay at home, to make love or sleep, to attend festivals and
processions, to play at cottabos, live like true Sybarites and to
shout, Io, io!
CHORUS
singing
Ah! God grant we may see the
blessed day. I have suffered so much; have so oft slept with Phormio
on hard beds. You will no longer find me a bitter and angry
judge....
TRYGAEUS
singing
Nor, naturally, hard in your ways,
as heretofore.
CHORUS
singing
....but turned indulgent and grown
younger by twenty years through happiness. We have been killing
ourselves long enough, tiring ourselves out with going to the Lyceum
and returning laden with spear and buckler.-But what can we do to
please you? Come, speak; for 'tis a good Fate that has named you our
leader.
TRYGAEUS
How shall we set about removing
these stones?
HERMES
who has just returned
Rash reprobate, what do you propose
doing?
TRYGAEUS
Nothing bad, as Cillicon
said.
HERMES
You are undone, you wretch.
TRYGAEUS
Yes, if the lot had to decide my
life, for Hermes would know how to turn the chance.
HERMES
You are lost, you are dead.
TRYGAEUS
On what day?
HERMES
This instant.
TRYGAEUS
But I have not provided myself with
flour and cheese yet to start for death.
HERMES
You are kneaded and ground already,
I tell you.
TRYGAEUS
Hah! I have not yet tasted that
gentle pleasure.
HERMES
Don't you know that Zeus has
decreed death for him who is caught exhuming Peace?
TRYGAEUS
What! must I really and truly
die?
HERMES
You must.
TRYGAEUS
Well then, lend me three drachmae
to buy a young pig; I wish to have myself initiated before I
die.
HERMES
Oh! Zeus, the Thunderer!
TRYGAEUS
I adjure you in the name of the
gods, master, don't report us!
HERMES
I may not, I cannot keep
silent.
TRYGAEUS
In the name of the meats which I
brought you so good-naturedly.
HERMES
Why, wretched man, Zeus will
annihilate me, if I do not shout out at the top of my voice, to
inform him what you are plotting.
TRYGAEUS
Oh, no! don't shout, I beg you,
dear little Hermes.... And what are you doing, comrades? You stand
there as though you were stocks and stones. Wretched men, speak,
entreat him at once; otherwise he will be shouting.
CHORUS
singing
Oh! mighty Hermes! do not do it;
no, do not do it! If ever you have eaten some young pig, sacrificed
by us on your altars, with pleasure, may this offering not be without
value in your sight to-day.
TRYGAEUS
singing
Do you not hear them wheedling you,
mighty god?
CHORUS
singing
Be not pitiless toward our prayers;
permit us to deliver the goddess. Oh! the most human, the most
generous of the gods, be favourable toward us, if it be true that you
detest the haughty crests and proud brows of Pisander; we shall never
cease, oh master, offering you sacred victims and solemn
prayers.
TRYGAEUS
Have mercy, mercy, yourself be
touched by their words; never was your worship so dear to them as
to-day.
Aside
Really they are the greatest
thieves that ever were.
To HERMES
And I shall reveal to you a great
and terrible plot that is being hatched against the gods.
HERMES
Hah! speak and perchance I shall
let myself be softened.
TRYGAEUS
Know then, that the Moon and that
infamous Sun are plotting against you, and want to deliver Greece
into the hands of the barbarians.
HERMES
What for?
TRYGAEUS
Because it is to you that we
sacrifice, whereas the barbarians worship them; hence they would like
to see you destroyed, that they alone might receive the
offerings.
HERMES
Is it then for this reason that
these untrustworthy charioteers have for so long been defrauding us,
one of them robbing us of daylight and the other nibbling away at the
other's disk?
TRYGAES
Yes, certainly. So therefore,
Hermes, my friend, help us with your whole heart to find and deliver
the captive and we will celebrate the great Panathenaea in your
honour as well as all the festivals of the other gods; for Hermes
shall be the Mysteries. the Dipolia, the Adonia; everywhere the
towns, freed from their miseries, will sacrifice to Hermes the
Liberator; you will be loaded with benefits of every kind, and to
start with, I offer you this cup for libations as your first
present.
HERMES
Ah! how golden cups do influence
me! Come, friends. get to work. To the pit quickly, pick in hand, and
drag away the stones.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
We go, but you, cleverest of all
the gods, supervise our labours; tell us, good workman as you are,
what we must do; we shall obey your orders with alacrity.
They begin to lift the stones.
TRYGAEUS
Quick, reach me your cup, and let
us preface our work by addressing prayers to the gods.
HERMES
Libation! Libation! Silence! Let us
offer our libations and our prayers, so that this day may begin an
era of unalloyed happiness for Greece and that he who has bravely
pulled at the rope with us may never resume his buckler.
TRYGAEUS
Aye, may we pass our lives in
peace, caressing our mistresses and poking the fire.
HERMES
May he who would prefer the war, oh
Dionysus....
TRYGAEUS
Be ever drawing barbed arrows out
of his elbows.
HERMES
If there be a citizen, greedy for
military rank and honours, who refuses, oh, divine Peace! to restore
you to daylight....
TRYGAEUS
May he behave as cowardly as
Cleonymus on the battlefield.
HERMES
If a lance-maker or a dealer in
shields desires war for the sake of better trade....
TRYGAEUS
May he be taken by pirates and eat
nothing but barley.
HERMES
If some ambitious man does not help
us, because he wants to become a General, or if a slave is plotting
to pass over to the enemy....
TRYGAEUS
Let his limbs be broken on the
wheel, may he be beaten to death with rods!
HERMES
As for us, may Fortune favour us!
Io! Paean, Io!
TRYGAEUS
Don't say Paean, but simply,
Io.
HERMES
Very well, then! Io! Io! Io! I'll
simply say, Io!
TRYGAEUS
To Hermes, the Graces, the Horae,
Aphrodite, Eros!
HERMES
But not to Ares.
TRYGAEUS
No.
HERMES
Nor to Enyalius.
TRYGAEUS
No.
The stones have been removed and a rope
attacked to the cover of the pit. The indented portions of the
following scene are a sort of chanty.
HERMES
Come, all strain at the ropes to
tear off the cover. Pull!
CHORUS
Heave away, heave, heave,
oh!
HERMES
Come, pull harder, harder.
CHORUS
Heave away, heave, heave,
oh!
HERMES
Still harder, harder still.
CHORUS
Heave away, heave! Heave away,
heave, heave, oh!
TRYGAEUS
Come, come, there is no working
together. Come! all pull at the same instant! you Boeotians are only
pretending. Beware!
HERMES
Come, heave away, heave!
TRYGAEUS
Heave away, heave oh!
CHORUS
Hi! you two pull as well.
TRYGAEUS
Why, I am pulling, I am hanging on
to the rope and straining till I am almost off my feet; I am working
with all my might.
CHORUS
Why does not the work advance
then?
TRYGAEUS
Lamachus, this is terrible! You are
in the way, sitting there. We have no use for your Medusa's head,
friend. But wait, the Argives have not pulled the least bit; they
have done nothing but laugh at us for our pains while they were
getting gain with both hands.
HERMES
Ah! my dear sir, the Laconians at
all events pull with vigour.
TRYGAEUS
But look! only those among them who
generally hold the plough-tail show any zeal, while the armourers
impede them in their efforts.
HERMES
And the Megarians too are doing
nothing, yet look how they are pulling and showing their teeth like
famished curs.
TRYGAEUS
The poor wretches are dying of
hunger I suppose.
HERMES
This won't do, friends. Come! all
together! Everyone to the work and with a good heart for the
business.
CHORUS
Heave away, heave!
HERMES
Harder!
CHORUS
Heave away, heave!
HERMES
Come on then, by heaven.
CHORUS
We are moving it a little.
TRYGAEUS
Isn't it terrible and stupid! some
pull one way and others another. You Argives there, beware of a
thrashing!
HERMES
Come, put your strength into
it.
TRYGAEUS
Heave away, heave!
CHORUS
There are many ill-disposed folk
among us.
TRYGAEUS
Do you at least, who long for
peace, pull heartily.
CHORUS
But there are some who prevent
us.
HERMES
Off to the Devil with you,
Megarians! The goddess hates you. She recollects that you were the
first to rub her the wrong way. Athenians, you are not well placed
for pulling. There you are too busy with law-suits; if you really
want to free the goddess, get down a little towards the sea.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Come, friends, none but husbandmen
on the rope.
HERMES
Ah I that will do ever so much
better.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
He says the thing is going well.
Come, all of you, together and with a will.
TRYGAEUS
It's the husbandmen who are doing
all the work.
CHORUS
Come then, come, and all
together!
HERMES
Hah! hah! at last there is some
unanimity in the work.
CHORUS
Don't let us give up, let us
redouble our efforts.
HERMES
There! now we have it!
CHORUS
Come then, all together! Heave
away, heave! Heave away, heave! Heave away, heave! Heave away, heave!
Heave away, heave! All together!
PEACE is drawn out of the pit. With her come
OPORA and THEORIA.
TRYGAEUS
Oh! venerated goddess, who givest
us our grapes, where am I to find the ten-thousand-gallon words
wherewith to greet thee? I have none such at home. Oh! hail to thee,
Opora, and thee, Theoria! How beautiful is thy face! How sweet thy
breath! What gentle fragrance comes from thy bosom, gentle as freedom
from military duty, as the most dainty perfumes!
HERMES
Is it then a smell like a soldier's
knapsack?
TRYGAEUS
Oh! hateful soldier! your hideous
satchel makes me sick! it stinks like the belching of onions, whereas
this lovable deity has the odour of sweet fruits, of festivals, of
the Dionysia, of the harmony of flutes, of the tragic poets, of the
verses of Sophocles, of the phrases of Euripides....
HERMES
That's a foul calumny, you wretch!
She detests that framer of subtleties and quibbles.
TRYGAEUS
ignoring this
....of ivy, of straining-bags for
wine, of bleating ewes, of provision-laden women hastening to the
kitchen, of the tipsy servant wench, of the upturned wine-jar, and of
a whole heap of other good things.
HERMES
Then look how the reconciled towns
chat pleasantly together, how they laugh....
TRYGAEUS
And yet they are all cruelly
mishandled; their wounds are bleeding still.
HERMES
But let us also scan the mien of
the spectators; we shall thus find out the trade of each.
TRYGAEUS
Good god!
HERMES
Look at that poor crest-maker,
tearing at his hair....
TRYGAEUS
....and at that pike-maker, who has
just farted in yon sword-cutler's face.
HERMES
And do you see with what pleasure
this sickle-maker....
TRYGAEUS
....is thumbing his nose at the
spear-maker?
HERMES
Now tell the husbandmen to be
off.
TRYGAEUS
Listen, good folk! Let the
husbandmen take their farming tools and return to their fields as
quickly as possible, but without either sword, spear or javelin. All
is as quiet as if Peace had been reigning for a century. Come, let
everyone go and till the earth, singing the Paean.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS to PEACE
Oh, thou, whom men of standing
desired and who art good to husbandmen, I have gazed upon thee with
delight; and now I go to greet my vines, to caress after so long an
absence the fig trees I planted in my youth.
TRYGAEUS
Friends, let us first adore the
goddess, who has delivered us from crests and Gorgons; then let us
hurry to our farms, having first bought a nice little piece of salt
fish to eat in the fields.
HERMES
By Posidon! what a fine crew they
make and dense as the crust of a cake; they are as nimble as guests
on their way to a feast.
TRYGAEUS
See, how their iron spades glitter
and how beautifully their three-pronged mattocks glisten in the sun!
How regularly they align the plants! I also burn to go into the
country and to turn over the earth I have so long neglected.-Friends,
do you remember the happy life that Peace afforded us formerly; can
you recall the splendid baskets of figs, both fresh and dried, the
myrtles, the sweet wine, the violets blooming near the spring, and
the olives, for which we have wept so much? Worship, adore the
goddess for restoring you so many blessings.
CHORUS
singing
Hail! hail! thou beloved divinity!
thy return overwhelms us with joy. When far from thee, my ardent wish
to see my fields again made me pine with regret. From thee came all
blessings. Oh! much desired Peace! thou art the sole support of those
who spend their lives tilling the earth. Under thy rule we had a
thousand delicious enjoyments at our beck; thou wert the husbandman's
wheaten cake and his safeguard. So that our vineyards, our young
fig-tree woods and all our plantations hail thee with delight and
smile at thy coming.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
But where was she then, I wonder,
all the long time she spent away from us? Hermes, thou benevolent
god, tell us!
HERMES
Wise husbandmen, hearken to my
words, if you want to know why she was lost to you. The start of our
misfortunes was the exile of Phidias; Pericles feared he might share
his in-luck, he mistrusted your peevish nature and, to prevent all
danger to himself, he threw out that little spark, the Megarian
decree, set the city aflame, and blew up the conflagration with a
hurricane of war, so that the smoke drew tears from all Greeks both
here and over there. At the very outset of this fire our vines were
a-crackle, our casks knocked together; it was beyond the power of any
man to stop the disaster, and Peace disappeared.
TRYGAEUS
That, by Apollo is what no one ever
told me; I could not think what connection there could be between
Phidias and Peace.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Nor I, until now. This accounts for
her beauty, if she is related to him. There are so many things that
escape us.
HERMES
Then, when the towns subject to you
saw that you were angered one against the other and were showing each
other your teeth like dogs, they hatched a thousand plots to pay you
no more dues and gained over the chief citizens of Sparta at the
price of gold. They, being as shamelessly greedy as they were
faithless in diplomacy, chased off Peace with ignominy to let loose
War. Though this was profitable to them, it was the ruin of the
husbandmen, who were innocent of all blame; for, in revenge, your
galleys went out to devour their figs.
TRYGAEUS
And with justice too; did they not
break down my black fig tree, which I had planted and
dunged
with my own hands?
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Yes, by Zeus! yes, that was well
done; the wretches broke a chest for me with stones, which held six
medimni of corn.
HERMES
Then the rural labourers flocked
into the city and let themselves be bought over like the others. Not
having even a grape-stone to munch and longing after their figs, they
looked towards the
demagogues.
These well knew that the poor were driven to extremity and lacked even bread; but they nevertheless drove away
the Goddess, each time she reappeared in answer to the wish of the
country, with their loud shrieks that were as sharp as pitchforks;
furthermore, they attacked the well-filled purses of the richest
among our allies on the pretence that they belonged to Brasidas'
party. And then you would tear the poor accused wretch to pieces with
your teeth; for the city, all pale with hunger and cowed with terror,
gladly snapped up any calumny that was thrown it to devour. So the
strangers, seeing what terrible blows the informers dealt, sealed
their lips with gold. They grew rich, while you, alas! you could only
see that Greece was going to ruin. It was the tanner who was the
author of all this woe.
TRYGAEUS
Enough said, Hermes leave that man
in Hades, whither he has gone; be no longer belongs to us, but rather
to you. That he was a cheat, a braggart, a calumniator when alive,
why, nothing could be truer; but anything you might say now would be
an insult to one of your own folk.
To PEACE
Oh! venerated Goddess! why art thou
silent?
HERMES
And how could she speak to the
spectators? She is too angry at all that they have made her
suffer.
TRYGAEUS
At least let her speak a little to
you, Hermes.
HERMES
Tell me, my dear, what are your
feelings with regard to them? Come, you relentless foe of all
bucklers, speak; I am listening to you.
PEACE whispers into HERMES' ear.
Is that your grievance against
them? Yes, yes, I understand. Hearken, you folk, this is her
complaint. She says, that after the affair of Pylos she came to you
unbidden to bring you a basket full of truces and that you thrice
repulsed her by your votes in the assembly.
TRYGAEUS
Yes, we did wrong, but forgive us,
for our mind was then entirely absorbed in leather.
HERMES
Listen again to what she has just
asked me. Who was her greatest foe here? and furthermore, had she a
friend who exerted himself to put an end to the fighting?
TRYGAEUS
Her most devoted friend was
Cleonymus; it is undisputed.
HERMES
How then did Cleonymus behave in
fights?
TRYGAEUS
Oh! the bravest of warriors! Only
he was not born of the father he claims; he showed it quick enough in
the army by throwing away his weapons.
HERMES
There is yet another question she
has just put to me. Who rules now in the rostrum?
TRYGAEUS
It's Hyperbolus who now holds
empire on the Pnyx.
To PEACE
What now? you turn away your
head!
HERMES
She is vexed, that the people
should give themselves a wretch of that kind for their chief.
TRYGAEUS
Oh! we shall not employ him again;
but the people, seeing themselves without a leader, took him
haphazard, just as a man, who is naked, springs upon the first cloak
he sees.
HERMES
She asks, what will be the result
of such a choice by the city?
TRYGAEUS
We shall be more far-seeing in
consequence.
HERMES
And why?
TRYGAEUS
Because he is a lamp-maker.
Formerly we only directed our busines by groping in the dark; now we
shall only deliberate by lamplight.
HERMES
Oh! oh! what questions she does
order me to put to you!
TRYGAEUS
What are they?
HERMES
She wants to have news of a whole
heap of old-fashioned things she left here. First of all, how is
Sophocles?
TRYGAEUS
Very well, but something very
strange has happened to him.
HERMES
What then?
TRYGAEUS
He has turned from Sophocles into
Simonides.
HERMES
Into Simonides? How so?
TRYGAEUS
Because, though old and broken-down
as he is, he would put to sea on a hurdle to gain an obolus.
HERMES
And wise Cratinus, is he still
alive?
TRYGAEUS
He died about the time of the
Laconian invasion.
HERMES
How?
TRYGAEUS
Of a swoon. He could not bear the
shock of seeing one of his casks full of wine broken. Ah! what a
number of other misfortunes our city has suffered! So, dearest
mistress, nothing can now separate us from thee.
HERMES
If that be so, receive Opora here
for a wife; take her to the country, live with her, and grow fine
grapes together.
TRYGAEUS
to OPORA
Come, my dear one, come and accept
my kisses.
To HERMES
Tell me, Hermes, my master, do you
think it would hurt me to love her a little, after so long an
abstinence?
HERMES
No, not if you swallow a potion of
penny-royal afterwards. But hasten to lead Theoria to the Senate;
that was where she lodged before.
TRYGAEUS
Oh! fortunate Senate! Thanks to
Theoria, what soups you will swallow for the space of three days! how
you will devour meats and cooked tripe! Come, farewell, friend
Hermes!
HERMES
And to you also, my dear sir, may
you have much happiness, and don't forget me.
TRYGAEUS
looking around for his
dung-beetle
Come, beetle, home, home, and let
us fly on a swift wing.
HERMES
Oh! he is no longer here.
TRYGAEUS
Where has he gone to then?
HERMES
He is 'harnessed to the chariot of
Zeus and bears the thunderbolts.'
TRYGAEUS
But where will the poor wretch get
his food?
HERMES
He will eat Ganymede's
ambrosia.
TRYGAEUS
Very well then, but how am I going
to descend?
HERMES
Oh! never fear, there is nothing
simpler; place yourself beside the goddess.
TRYGAEUS
Come, my pretty maidens, follow me
quickly; there are plenty of men waiting for you with their tools
ready.
He goes out, with OPORA and
THEORIA.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Farewell and good luck be yours!
Let us begin by handing over all this gear to the care of our
servants, for no place is less safe than
a theatre; there is always a
crowd of thieves prowling around it, seeking to find some mischief to
do. Come, keep a good watch over all this. As for ourselves, let us
explain to the spectators what we have in our minds, the purpose of
our play.
The CHORUS turns and faces the
audience.
Undoubtedly the comic poet who
mounted the stage to praise himself in the parabasis would deserve to be
handed over to the sticks or the beadles. Nevertheless, oh Muse, if
it be right to esteem the most honest and illustrious of our comic
writers at his proper value, permit our poet to say that he thinks he
has deserved a glorious renown. First of all, he is the one who has
compelled his rivals no longer to scoff at rags or to war with lice;
and as for those Heracleses, always
chewing and ever hungry, he was the
first to cover them with ridicule and to chase them from the stage;
he has also dismissed that slave, whom one never failed to set
weeping before you, so that his comrade might have the chance of
jeering at his stripes and might ask, "Wretch, what has happened to
your hide? Has the lash rained an army of its thongs on you and laid
your back waste?" After having delivered us from all these wearisome
ineptitudes and these low buffooneries, he has built up for us a
great art, like a palace with high towers, constructed of fine
phrases, great thoughts and of jokes not common on the streets.
Moreover it's not obscure private persons or women that he stages in
his comedies; but, bold as Heracles, it's the very greatest whom he
attacks, undeterred by the fetid stink of leather or the threats of
hearts of mud. He has the right to say, "I am the first ever dared to
go straight for that beast with the sharp teeth and the terrible eyes
that flashed lambent fire like those of Cynna, surrounded by a
hundred lewd flatterers, who spittle-licked him to his heart's
content; it had a voice like a roaring torrent, the stench of a seal,
the unwashed balls of a Lamia and the
arse of a camel. I did not recoil in horror at the sight of such a
monster, but fought him relentlessly to win your deliverance and that
of the islanders." Such are the services which should be graven in
your recollection and entitle me to your thanks. Yet I have not been
seen frequenting the wrestling school intoxicated with success and
trying to seduce young boys; but I took all my theatrical gear and
returned straight home. I pained folk but little and caused them much
amusement; my conscience rebuked me for nothing.
Notes on Frogs
167-8 Ar. caricatures the
average Athenian's fears of ghosts. The best known bogies were Lamia
(subject of a comedy by Crates: she could take her eyes out and put
them back again), Ephialtes (the demon of nightmares), Epialos (demon
of cold shivering), Mormo, and Empousa, who, as described here, could
change her appearance and traditionally had a donkey's leg.
Deipnosophistai
Further, did not Themistocles,
as Idomeneus says, yoke
a chariot with
prostitutes and drive them into the city when the
market-place was crowded? They were Lamia, Scione, Satyra, and
Nannion. Was not Themistocles himself born of a prostitute named
Abrotonon? So Amphicrates records in his treatise On Famous Men:
"Abrotonon was a woman
Thracian-born; yet, they say, she brought forth Themistocles, that
mighty hero of Greece." But Neanthes of Cyzicus, in the third and
fourth books of his History of Greece, says that Themistocles was the
son of Euterpe. And as for Cyrus, who made the expedition against his
brother, did he not have with him on the expedition the woman of
Phocaea, who was a prostitute, though she was called the most wise and most
beautiful? Of her Zenophanes says that she formerly had been called
Milto, but her name was changed to Aspasia. Cyrus was also
accompanied by the concubine from Miletus.
Hypostas
"Lilith's children are called
'lilim.' In the Targum Yerushalmi, the
priestly blessing of Numbers VI:26 becomes: "The Lord bless thee in
all thy doings, and preserve thee from the Lilim!" The fourth-century AD commentator
Hieronymous identified Lilith
with the Greek Lamia,
a Libyan
queen deserted by Zeus,
whom his wife Hera robbed of her children. She took revenge by
robbing other women of theirs.
'Naamah,' 'pleasant,' is explained as meaning
that
'the
demoness sang pleasant
songs to idols.'
'Zmargad' suggests 'smaragdos,'
the semi-precious aquamarine;
and may therefore be her
submarine
dwelling. A demon
named Smaragos occurs in the Homeric Epigrams. From "Hebrew Myths"
by Robert Graves and Raphael Patai.
More and more rapidly from here
on
Hence both grown men and youths
should be on my side and I likewise invite the bald to give me their
votes; for, if I triumph, everyone will say, both at table and at
festivals, "Carry this to the bald man, give these cakes to the bald
one, do not grudge the poet whose talent shines as bright as his own
bare skull the share he deserves."
FIRST SEMI-CHORUS singing
Oh, Muse! drive the war far from
our city and come to preside over our
dances, if you love me; come and
celebrate the nuptials of the gods, the banquets of us mortals and
the festivals of the fortunate; these are the themes that inspire thy
most poetic songs. And should Carcinus come to beg thee for admission
with his sons to thy chorus, refuse all traffic with them; remember
they are but gelded birds, stork-necked dancers, mannikins about as
tall as a goat's turd, in fact machine-made poets. Contrary to all
expectation, the father has at last managed to finish a piece, but he
admits that a cat strangled it one fine evening.
SECOND SEMI-CHORUS singing
Such are the songs with which the
Muse with the glorious hair inspires the able poet and which enchant
the assembled populace, when the spring swallow twitters beneath the
foliage; but the god spare us from the chorus of Morsimus and that of
Melanthius! Oh! what a bitter discordancy grated upon my ears that
day when the tragic chorus was directed by this same Melanthius and
his brother, these two Gorgons, these two Harpies, the plague of the
seas, whose gluttonous bellies devour the entire race of fishes,
these followers of old women, these goats with their stinking
arm-pits. Oh! Muse, spit upon them abundantly and keep the feast
gaily with me.
TRYGAEUS enters, limping painfully,
accompanied by OPORA and THEORIA.
TRYGAEUS
Ah! it's a rough job getting to the
gods! my legs are as good as broken through it.
To the audience
How small you were, to be sure,
when seen from heaven! you had all the appearance too of being great
rascals; but seen close, you look even worse.
SERVANT
coming out of TRYGAEUS' house
Is that you, master?
TRYGAEUS
So I've been told.
SERVANT
What has happened to you?
TRYGAEUS
My legs pain me; it was such a
damned long journey.
SERVANT
Oh! tell me....
TRYGAEUS
What?
SERVANT
Did you see any other man besides
yourself strolling about in heaven;
TRYGAEUS
No, only the souls of two or three
dithyrambic poets.
SERVANT
What were they doing up there?
TRYGAEUS
They were seeking to catch some lyric exordia
as they flew by immersed in the billows of the air.
SERVANT
Is it true, what they tell us, that
men are turned into stars after death?
TRYGAEUS
Quite true.
SERVANT
Then what star has Ion of Chios
turned into?
TRYGAEUS
The Morning Star, the one he wrote
a poem about; as soon as he got up there, everyone called him the
Morning Star.
SERVANT
And those stars like sparks, that
plough up the air as they dart across the sky.
TRYGAEUS
They are the rich leaving the feast
with a lantern and a light inside it.-But hurry up, show this young
girl into my house,
pointing to OPORA
clean out the bath, heat some water
and prepare the nuptial couch for herself and me. When that's done,
come back here; meanwhile I am off to present this other one to the
Senate.
SERVANT
But where then did you get these
girls?
TRYGAEUS
Where? why in heaven.
SERVANT
I would not give more than an
obolus for gods who have got to keeping brothels like us mere
mortals.
TRYGAEUS
They are not all like that, but
there are some up there too who live by this trade.
SERVANT
Come, that's rich! But tell me,
shall I give her something to eat?
TRYGAEUS
No, for she would touch neither
bread nor cake; she is used to licking ambrosia at the table of the
gods.
SERVANT
Well, we can give her something to
lick down here too.
He takes OPORA into the house.
CHORUS
singing
Here is a truly happy old man, as
far as I can judge.
TRYGAEUS
singing
Ah! but what shall I be, when you
see me presently dressed for the wedding?
CHORUS
singing
Made young again by love and
scented with perfumes, your lot will be one we all shall envy.
TRYGAEUS
singing
And when I lie beside her and
fondle her breasts?
CHORUS
singing
Oh! then you will be happier than
those spinning-tops who call Carcinus their father.
TRYGAEUS
singing
And I well deserve it; have I not
bestridden a beetle to save the Greeks, who now, thanks to me, can
make love at their ease and sleep peacefully on their farms?
SERVANT
returning from the house
The girl has quitted the bath; she
is charming from head to foot, belly and buttocks too; the cake is
baked and they are kneading the sesame-biscuit; nothing is lacking
but the bridegroom's tool.
TRYGAEUS
Let us first hasten to lodge
Theoria in the hands of the Senate.
SERVANT
Tell me, who is this woman?
TRYGAEUS
Why, it's Theoria, with whom we
used formerly to go to Brauron, to get tipsy and frolic-I had the
greatest trouble to get hold of her.
SERVANT
Ah! you charmer! what pleasure your
pretty bottom will afford me every four years!
TRYGAEUS
to the audience
Let's see, which one of you is
steady enough to be trusted by the Senate with the care of this
charming wench?
to the SERVANT
Hi! you, friend! what are you
drawing there?
SERVANT
who has been making signs in the
air
It's er.... well, at the Isthmian
Games I shall have a tent for my tool.
TRYGAEUS
to the audience
Come, who wishes to take the charge
of her? No one? Come, Theoria, I am going to lead you into the midst
of the spectators and confide you to their care.
SERVANT
Ah! there is one who makes a sign
to you.
TRYGAEUS
Who is it?
SERVANT
It's Ariphrades. He wishes to take
her home at once.
TRYGAEUS
No, he must not. He would soon have
her done for, absorbing all her life-force. Come, Theoria, take off
all these clothes.
THEORIA undresses. As soon as she is nude,
TRYGAEUS conducts her to the front row of seats, where the SENATORS
sit.
Senate, Prytanes, gaze upon Theoria
and see what precious blessings I place in your hands. Hasten to
raise its limbs and to immolate the victim. And look at this
chimney.
SERVANT
God, what a beautiful one! It's
black with smoke because the Senate used to do its cooking there
before the war.
TRYGAEUS
Now that you have found Theoria
again, you can start the most charming games from to-morrow,
wrestling with her on the ground, on all fours, or you can lay her on
her side, or stand before her with bent knees, or, well rubbed with
oil, you can boldly enter the lists, as in the Pancratium,
belabouring your foe with blows from your fist or something else. The
next day you will celebrate equestrian games, in which the riders
will ride side by side, or else the chariot teams, thrown one on top
of another, panting and whinnying, will roll and knock against each
other on the ground, while other rivals, thrown out of their seats,
will fall before reaching the goal, utterly exhausted by their
efforts.-Come, Prytanes, take Theoria. Oh! look-how graciously yonder
fellow has received her; you would not have been in such a hurry to
introduce her to the Senate, if nothing were coming to you through
it; you would not have failed to plead some holiday as an
excuse.
CHORUS
singing
Such a man as you assures the
happiness of all his fellow-citizens.
TRYGAEUS
singing
When you are gathering your
vintages you will prize me even better.
CHORUS
singing
E'en from to-day we hail you as the
deliverer of mankind.
TRYGAEUS
singing
Wait until you have drunk a beaker
of new wine, before you appraise my true merits.
CHORUS
singing
Excepting the gods, there is none
greater than yourself, and that will ever be our opinion.
TRYGAEUS
singing
Yea, Trygaeus of Athmonia has
deserved well of you, he has freed both husbandman and craftsman from
the most cruel ills; he has vanquished Hyberbolus.
SERVANT
Well then, what must be done
now?
TRYGAEUS
You must offer pots of green-stuff
to the goddess to consecrate her altars.
SERVANT
Pots of green-stuff as we do to
poor Hermes-and even he thinks the fare pretty mean?
TRYGAEUS
What will you offer them? A fatted
bull?
SERVANT
Oh no! I don't want to start
bellowing the battle-cry.
TRYGAEUS
A great fat swine then?
SERVANT
No, no.
TRYGAEUS
Why not?
SERVANT
We don't want any of the
swinishness of Theagenes.
TRYGAEUS
What other victim do you prefer
then?
SERVANT
A sheep.
TRYGAEUS
A sheep?
SERVANT
Yes.
TRYGAEUS
But that's the Ionic form of the
word.
SERVANT
Purposely. So that if anyone in the
assembly says, "We must go to war," all may start bleating in alarm,
"Oi, oi."
TRYGAEUS
A brilliant idea.
SERVANT
And we shall all be lambs one
toward the other, yes, and milder still toward the allies.
TRYGAEUS
Then go for the sheep and haste to
bring it back with you; I will prepare the altar for the
sacrifice.
They both leave.
CHORUS
singing
How everything succeeds to our
wish, when the gods are willing and Fortune favours us! how
opportunely everything falls out.
TRYGAEUS
returning
Nothing could be truer, for look!
here stands the altar all ready at my door.
He enters his house.
CHORUS
singing
Hurry, hurry, for the winds are
fickle; make haste, while the divine will is set on stopping this
cruel war and is showering on us the most striking benefits.
TRYCAEUS
returning
Here is the basket of barley-seed
mingled with salt, the chaplet and the sacred knife; and there is the
fire; so we are only waiting for the sheep.
CHORUS
singing
Hasten, hasten, for, if
Chaeris
sees you, he will come without bidding, he and his flute; and when
you see him puffing and panting and out of breath, you will have to
give him something.
TRYGAEUS
to the SERVANT who has returned with a
sheep and a vase of water
Come, seize the basket and take the
lustral water and hurry to circle round the altar to the
right.
SERVANT
There! that's done. What is your
next bidding?
TRYGAEUS
Wait. I take this fire-brand first
and plunge it into the water. Now quick, quick, you sprinkle the
altar. Give me some barley-seed, purify yourself and hand me the
basin; then scatter the
rest of the barley among the
audience.
CHECVK ACCUSATION AGAINST PAUL.
SERVANT
Done.
TRYGAEUS
You have thrown it?
SERVANT
Yes, by Hermes! and all the
spectators have had their share.
TRYGAEUS
At least the women got none.
SERVANT
Oh! their husbands will give them
some this evening.
TRYGAEUS
Let us pray! Who is here? Are there
any good men?
SERVANT
Come, give me the water, so that I
may sprinkle these people. Faith! they are indeed good, brave
men.
He throws the lustral water on
hem.
TRYGAEUS
You believe so?
SERVANT
I am sure, and the proof of it is
that we have flooded them with lustral water and they have not budged
an inch.
TRYGAEUS
Let us pray, then, as soon as we
can.
SERVANT
Yes, let us pray.
TRYGAEUS
Oh! Peace, mighty queen, venerated
goddess, thou, who presidest over choruses and at nuptials, deign to
accept the sacrifices we offer thee.
SERVANT
Receive it, greatly honoured
mistress, and behave not like the courtesans, who half open the door
to entice the gallants, draw back when they are stared at, to return
once more if a man passes on. But do not thou act like this to
us.
TRYGAEUS
No, but like an honest woman, show
thyself to thy worshippers, who are worn with regretting thee all
these thirteen years. Hush the noise of battle, be a true Lysimacha
to us. Put an end to this tittle-tattle, to this idle babble, that
set us defying one another. Cause the Greeks once more to taste the
pleasant beverage of friendship and temper all hearts with the gentle
feeling of forgiveness. Make excellent commodities flow to our
markets, fine heads of garlic, early cucumbers, apples, pomegranates
and nice little cloaks for the slaves; make them bring geese, ducks,
pigeons and larks from Boeotia and baskets of eels from Lake Copais;
we shall all rush to buy them, disputing their possession with
Morychus, Teleas, Glaucetes and every other glutton. Melanthius will
arrive on the market last of all; they'll say, "no more eels, all
sold!" and then he'll start groaning and exclaiming as in his
monologue of Medea, "I am dying, I am dying! Alas! I have let those
hidden in the beet escape me!" And won't we laugh? These are the
wishes, mighty goddess, which we pray thee to grant.
To the SERVANT
Take the knife and slaughter the
sheep like a finished cook.
SERVANT
No, the goddess does not wish
it.
TRYGAEUS
And why not?
SERVANT
Blood cannot please Peace, so let
us spill none upon her altar.
TRYGAEUS
Then go and sacrifice the sheep in
the house, cut off the legs and bring them here; thus the carcase
will be saved for the Choregus.
The SERVANT goes into the house with the
sheep.
CHORUS
singing
You, who remain here, get chopped
wood and everything needed for the sacrifice ready.
TRYGAEUS
Don't I look like a diviner
preparing his mystic fire?
CHORUS
singing
Undoubtedly. Will anything that a
wise man ought to know escape you? Don't you know all that a man
should know, who is distinguished for his wisdom and inventive
daring?
TRYGAEUS
There! the wood catches. Its smoke
blinds poor Stilbides. I am now going to bring the table and thus be
my own slave.
He goes into the house.
CHORUS
singing
You have braved a thousand dangers
to save your sacred town. All honour to you I your glory will be ever
envied.
TRYGAEUS
returning with a table
Wait. Here are the legs, place them
upon the altar. For myself, I mean to go back to the entrails and the
cakes.
He is about to go into the house.
SERVANT
going in ahead of him
I'll take care of them.
TRYGAEUS
But I want you here.
SERVANT
returning
Well then, here I am. Do you think
I have taken long?
TRYGAEUS
Just get this roasted. Ab who is
this man, crowned with laurel, who is coming to me?
SERVANT
He has a self-important look; is he
some diviner?
TRYGAEUS
No, it's Hierocles, that
oracle-monger from Oreus.
SERVANT
What is he going to tell us?
TRYGAEUS
Evidently he is coming to oppose
the peace.
SERVANT
No, it's the odour of the fat that
attracts him.
TRYGAEUS
Let us appear not to see
him.
SERVANT
Very well.
HIEROCLES
approaching
What sacrifice is this? to what god
are you offering it?
TRYGAEUS
to the SERVANT
Keep quiet.-
Aloud
Look after the roasting and keep
your hands of the meat.
HIEROCLES
To whom are you sacrificing? Answer
me.
TRYGAEUS
Ah! the tail is showing favourable
omens.
SERVANT
Aye, very favourable, oh, loved and
mighty Peace!
HIEROCLES
Come, cut off the first offering
and make the oblation.
TRYGAEUS
It's not roasted enough.
HIEROCLES
Yea, truly, it's done to a
turn.
TRYGAEUS
Mind your own business,
friend!
To the SERVANT
Cut away.
HIEROCLES
Where is the table?
TRYGAEUS
Bring the libations.
The SERVANT departs.
HIEROCLES
The tongue is cut
separately.
TRYGAEUS
We know all that. But just listen
to one piece of advice.
HIEROCLES
And that is?
TRYGAEUS
Don't talk, for it is divine Peace
to whom we are sacrificing.
HIEROCLES
in an oracular tone
Oh! wretched mortals, oh, you
idiots!
TRYGAEUS
Keep such ugly terms for
yourself.
HIEROCLES
as before
What! you are so ignorant you don't
understand the will of the gods and you make a treaty, you, who are
men, with apes, who are full of malice?
TRYGAEUS
Ha, ha, ha!
HIEROCLES
What are you laughing at?
TRYGAEUS
Ha, ha! your apes amuse me!
HIEROCLES
resuming the oracular manner
You simple pigeons, you trust
yourselves to foxes, who are all craft, both in mind and
heart.
TRYGAEUS
Oh, you trouble-maker! may your
lungs get as hot as this meat!
HIEROCLES
Nay, nay! if only the Nymphs had
not fooled Bacis, and Bacis mortal men; and if the Nymphs had not
tricked Bacis a second time....
TRYGAEUS
mocking his manner
May the plague seize you, if you
don't stop Bacizing!
HIEROCLES
....it would not have been written
in the book of Fate that the bends of Peace must be broken; but
first....
TRYGAEUS
The meat must be dusted with
salt.
HIEROCLES
....it does not please the blessed
gods that we should stop the War until the wolf uniteth with the sheep.
A kind of oracle-match now
ensues.
TRYGAEUS
How, you cursed animal, could the
wolf ever unite with the sheep?
HIEROCLES
As long as the wood-bug gives off a
fetid odour, when it flies; as long as the noisy bitch is forced by
nature to litter blind pups, so long shall peace be forbidden.
TRYGAEUS
Then what should be done? Not to
stop War would be to leave it to the decision of chance which of the
two people should suffer the most, whereas by uniting under a treaty,
we share the empire of Greece.
HIEROCLES
You will never make the crab walk
straight.
TRYGAEUS
You shall no longer be fed at the
Prytaneum; when the war is over, oracles are not wanted.
HIEROCLES
You will never smooth the rough
spikes of the hedgehog.
TRYGAEUS
Will you never stop fooling the
Athenians?
HIEROCLES
What oracle ordered you to burn
these joints of mutton in honour of the gods?
TRYGAEUS
This grand oracle of Homer's: "Thus
vanished the dark war-clouds and we offered a sacrifice to new-born
Peace. When the flame had consumed the thighs of the victim and its
inwards had appeased our hunger, we poured out the libations of
wine." 'Twas I who arranged the sacred rites, but none offered the
shining cup to the diviner.
HIEROCLES
I care little for that. 'Tis not
the Sibyl who spoke it.
TRYGAEUS
Wise Homer has also said: "He who
delights in the horrors of civil war has neither country nor laws nor
home." What noble words!
HIEROCLES
Beware lest the kite turn your
brain and rob....
TRYGAEUS
to the SERVANT Who has returned with the
libations
Look out, slave! This oracle
threatens our meat. Quick, pour the libation, and give me some of the
inwards.
HIEROCLES
I too will help myself to a bit, if
you like.
TRYGAEUS
The libation! the libation!
HIEROCLES
to the SERVANT
Pour out also for me and give me
some of this meat.
TRYGAEUS
No, the blessed gods won't allow it
yet; let us drink: and as for you, get you gone, for that's their
will. Mighty Peace! stay ever in our midst.
HIEROCLES
Bring the tongue hither.
TRYGAEUS
Relieve us of your own.
HIEROCLES
The libation.
TRYGAEUS
Here! and this into the
bargain.
He strikes him.
HIEROCLES
You will not give me any
meat?
TRYGAEUS
We cannot give you any until the
wolf unites with the sheep.
HIEROCLES
I will embrace your knees.
TRYGAEUS
'Tis lost labour, good fellow; you
will never smooth the rough spikes of the hedgehog....Come,
spectators, join us in our feast.
HIEROCLES
And what am I to do?
TRYGAEUS
You? go and eat the Sibyl.
HIEROCLES
No, by the Earth! no, you shall not
eat without me; if you do not give, I shall take; it's common
property.
TRYGAEUS
to the SERVANT
Strike, strike this Bacis, this
humbugging soothsayer.
HIEROCLES
I take to witness....
TRYGAEUS
And I also, that you are a glutton
and an impostor.
To the SERVANT
Hold him tight and I'll beat the
impostor with a stick.
SERVANT
You look to that; I will snatch the
skin from him which he has stolen from us.
TRYGAEUS
Let go that skin, you priest from
hell! do you hear! Oh! what a fine crow has come from Oreus! Stretch
your wings quickly for Elymnium.
HIEROCLES flees. TRYGAEUS and the SERVANT go
into the house.
CHORUS
singing
Oh! joy, joy! no more helmet, no
more cheese nor onions! No, I have no passion for battles; what I
love is to drink with good comrades in the corner by the fire when
good dry wood, cut in the height of the summer, is crackling; it is
to cook pease on the coals and beechnuts among the embers, it is to
kiss our pretty Thracian while my wife is at the bath.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
Nothing is more pleasing, when the
rain is sprouting our sowings, than to chat with some friend, saying,
"Tell me, Comarchides, what shall we do? I would willingly drink
myself, while the heavens are watering our fields. Come, wife, cook
three measures of beans, adding to them a little wheat, and give us
some figs. Syra! call Manes off the fields, it's impossible to prune
the vine or to align the ridges, for the ground is too wet to-day.
Let someone bring me the thrush and those two chaffinches; there were
also some curds and four pieces of hare, unless the cat stole them
last evening, for I know not what the infernal noise was that I heard
in the house. Serve up three of the pieces for me, slave, and give
the fourth to my father. Go and ask Aeschinades for some myrtle
branches with berries on them, and then, for it's on the same road,
invite Charinades to come and drink with me to the honour of the gods
who watch over our crops."
CHORUS
singing
When the grasshopper sings his
dulcet tune, I love to see the Lemnian vines beginning to ripen, the
earliest plant of all. Likewise I love to watch the fig filling out,
and when it has reached maturity I eat it with appreciation,
exclaiming, "Oh! delightful season!" Then too I bruise some thyme and
infuse it in water. Indeed I grow a great deal fatter passing the
summer in this way....
LEADER OF THE CHORUS
...than in watching a damned
lieutenant with three plumes and military cloak of crimson, very
livid indeed; he calls it the real Sardian purple, but if he ever has
to fight in this cloak he'll dye it another colour, the real Cyzicene
yellow, he the first to run away, shaking his plumes like a buff
hippalectryon, and I am left to do the real work. Once back again in
Athens, these brave fellows behave abominably; they write down these,
they scratch through others, and this backwards and forwards two or
three times at random. The departure is set for to-morrow, and some
citizen has brought no provisions, because he didn't know he had to
go; he stops in front of the statue of Pandion, reads his name, is
dumbfounded and starts away at a run, weeping bitter tears. The
townsfolk are less ill-used, but that is how the husbandmen are
treated by these men of war, the hated of the gods and of men, who
know nothing but how to throw away their shield. For this reason, if
it please heaven, I propose to call these rascals to account, for
they are lions in times of peace, but sneaking foxes when it comes to
fighting.
TRYGAEUS
coming out of his house, followed by the
SERVANT
Oh! oh! what a crowd for the
nuptial feast! Here! dust the tables with this crest, which is good
for nothing else now. Halloa! produce the cakes, the thrushes, plenty
of good jugged hare and the little loaves.
A SICKLE-MAKER enters with a comrade; one
carries sickles, the other casks.
SICKLE-MAKER
Trygaeus, where is Trygaeus?
TRYGAEUS
I am cooking the thrushes.
SICKLE-MAKER
Trygaeus, my best of friends, what
a fine stroke of business you have done for me by bringing back
Peace! Formerly my sickles would not have sold at an obolus apiece,
to-day I am being paid fifty drachmae for every one. And here is a
neighbour who is selling his casks for the country at three drachmae
each. So come, Trygaeus, take as many sickles and casks as you will
for nothing. Accept them for nothing; it's because of our handsome
profits on our sales that we offer you these wedding presents.
TRYGAEUS
Thanks. Put them all down inside
there, and come along quick to the banquet. Ah! do you see that
armourer yonder coming with a wry face?
Enter an armourer, followed by other
personages who represent the various specialized trades which have
profited by the war, a crest-maker, a manufacturer of breastplates, a
trumpet-maker, a helmet-maker, a polisher of lances; each carries a
sample of his products. The armourer is the only one who
speaks.
ARMOURER
Alas! alas! Trygaeus, you have
ruined me utterly.
TRYGAEUS
What! won't the crests go any more,
friend?
ARMOURER
You have killed my business, my
livelihood, and that of this poor lance maker too.
TRYGAEUS
Come, come, what are you asking for
these two crests?
ARMOURER
What do you bid for them?
TRYGAEUS
What do I bid? Oh! I am ashamed to
say. Still, as the clasp is of good workmanship, I would give two,
even three measures of dried figs; I could use them for dusting the
table.
ARMOURER
All right, tell them to bring me
the dried figs.
To the crest-maker
That's better than nothing, my
friend.
TRYGAEUS
Take them away, be off with your
crests and get you gone; they are moulting, they are losing all their
hair; I would not give a single fig for them.
ARMOURER
Good gods, what am I going to do
with this fine ten-mina breastplate, which is so splendidly
made?
TRYGAEUS
Oh, you will lose nothing over it.
Sell it to me at cost price. It would be very useful as a
thunder-mug...
ARMOURER
Cease your insults, both to me and
my wares.
TRYGAEUS
...if propped on three
stones.
He sits on it.
Look, it's admirable
ARMOURER
But how can you wipe yourself,
idiot?
TRYGAEUS
with appropriate gestures
I can put one hand through here,
and the other there, and so...
ARMOURER
What! do you wipe yourself with
both hands?
TRYGAEUS
Aye, so that I may not be accused
of robbing the State, by blocking up an oar-hole in the
galley.
ARMOURER
Would you crap in a thunder-mug
that cost ten minae?
TRYGAEUS
Undoubtedly, you rascal. Do you
think I would sell my arse for a thousand drachmae?
ARMOURER
Come, have the money paid over to
me.
TRYGAEUS
No, friend; I find it pinches my
bottom. Take it away, I won't buy it.
ARMOURER
What is to be done with this
trumpet,
for which I gave sixty drachmae the other day?
TRYGAEUS
Pour lead into the hollow and fit a
good, long stick to the top; and you will have a balanced
cottabus.
ARMOURER
Don't mock me.
TRYGAEUS
Well, here's another idea. Pour in
lead as I said, add here a dish hung on strings, and you will have a
balance for weighing the figs which you give your slaves in the
fields.
ARMOURER
Cursed fate! I am ruined. Here are
helmets,
for which I gave a mina each. What I to do with them? who will buy
them?
TRYGAEUS
Go and sell them to the Egyptians;
they will do for measuring
laxatives.
ARMOURER
Ah! poor helmet-maker, things are
indeed in a bad way.
TRYGAEUS
He has no cause for
complaint.
ARMOURER
But helmets will be no more
used.
TRYGAEUS
Let him learn to fit a handle to
them and he can sell them for more money.
ARMOURER
Let us be off, comrade.
TRYGAEUS
No, I want to buy these
spears.
ARMOURER
What will you give?
TRYGAEUS
If they could be split in two, I
would take them at a drachma per hundred to use as vine-props.
ARMOURER
The insolent dog! Let us go,
friend.
The munitions-makers all depart.
TRYGAEUS
as some young boys enter
Ah I here come the guests, young
folks from the table to take a pee; I fancy they also want to
hum over what they will be singing
presently. Hi! child! what do you reckon
to sing? Stand there and give me the opening line.
BOY
"Glory to the young
warriors..."
TRYGAEUS
Oh! leave off about your young
warriors, you little wretch; we are at peace and you are an idiot and
a rascal.
BOY
"The skirmish begins, the hollow
bucklers clash against each other."
TRYGAEUS
Bucklers! Leave me in peace with
your bucklers.
BOY
"And then there came
groanings
and shouts of victory."
TRYGAEUS
Groanings! ah! by Bacchus! look out for
yourself, you cursed squaller, if you start wearying us again with
your groanings and hollow bucklers.
BOY
Then what should I sing? Tell me
what pleases you.
TRYGAEUS
"'Tis thus they feasted on the
flesh of oxen," or something similar, as, for instance, "Everything
that could tickle the palate was placed on the table."
BOY
"'Tis thus they feasted on the
flesh of oxen and, tired of warfare, unharnessed their foaming
steeds."
TRYGAEUS
That's splendid; tired of warfare,
they seat themselves at table; sing to us how they still go on eating
after they are satiated.
BOY
"The meal over, they girded
themselves..."
TRYGAEUS
With good wine, no doubt?
BOY
"...with armour and rushed forth
from the towers, and a terrible shout arose."
TRYGAEUS
Get you gone, you little
scapegrace, you and your battles! You sing of nothing but warfare.
Who is your father then?
BOY
My father?
TRYGAEUS
Why yes, your father.
BOY
I am Lamachus' son.
TRYGAEUS
Oh! oh! I could indeed have sworn,
when I was listening to you, that you were the son of some warrior,
who dreams of nothing but wounds and bruises, of some Bulomachus or
Clausimachus; go and sing your plaguey songs to the spearmen....Where
is the son of Cleonymus? Sing me something before going back to the
feast. I am at least certain he will not sing of battles, for his
father is far too careful a man.
SON OF CLEONYMUS
"A Saian is parading with the
spotless shield which I regret to say I have thrown into a
thicket."
TRYGAEUS
Tell me, you little
good-for-nothing, are you singing that for your father?
SON OF CLEONYMUS
"But I saved my life."
TRYGAEUS
And dishonoured your family. But
let us go in; I am very certain, that being the son of such a father,
you will never forget this song of the buckler.
To the CHORUS
You, who remain to the feast, it's
your duty to devour dish after dish and not to ply empty jaws. Come,
put heart into the work and eat with your mouths full. For, believe
me, poor friends, white teeth are useless furniture if they chew
nothing.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS to TRYGAEUS, who is going
into the house
Never fear; thanks all the same for
your good advice.
To the CHORUS
And all of you, who yesterday were
dying of hunger, come, stuff yourselves with this fine hare-stew;
it's not every day that we find cakes lying neglected. Eat, eat, or I
predict you will soon regret it.
TRYGAEUS
coming out of the house
Silence! Keep silence! Here is the
bride about to appear! Take nuptial torches and let all rejoice and
join in our songs. Then, when we have danced, clinked our cups and
thrown Hyperbolus through the doorway we will carry back all our
farming tools to the fields and shall pray the gods to give wealth to
the Greeks and to cause us all to gather in an abundant barley
harvest, enjoy a noble vintage, to grant that we may choke With good
figs, that our wives may prove fruitful, that in fact we may recover
all our lost blessings, and that the sparkling fire may be restored
to the hearth,
OPORA comes out of the house, followed by
torch-bearing slaves.
Come, wife, to the fields and seek,
my beauty, to brighten and enliven my nights. Oh! Hymen! oh!
Hymenaeus!
LEADER OF THE CHORUS singing
Oh! thrice happy man, who so well
deserve your good fortune! Oh! Hymen! oh oh! Hymenaeus!
CHORUS
singing
Oh! Hymen! oh! Hymenaeus!
TRYGAEUS
singing
What shall we do to her?
CHORUS
singing
What shall we do to her?
TRYGAEUS
singing
We will gather her kisses.
CHORUS
singing
We will gather her kisses.
LEADER OF THE CHORUS singing
But come, comrades, we who are in
the first row, let us pick up the bridegroom and carry him in triumph. Oh!
Hymen! oh! Hymenaeus! Oh! Hymen! oh! Hymenaeus!
TRYGAEUS
singing
You shall have a fine house, no
cares and the finest of figs. Oh! Hymen! oh! Hymenaeus! Oh! Hymen!
oh! Hymenaeus!
LEADER OF THE CHORUS singing
The bridegroom's fig is great and
thick; the bride's very soft and tender.
TRYGAEUS
singing
While eating and drinking deep
draughts of wine, continue to repeat: Oh! Hymen! oh! Hymenaeus! Oh!
Hymen! oh! Hymenaeus, Hail, hail, my friends. All who come with me
shall have cakes galore.
THE END
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